A short update: I did my run, and the shoes went fine. Even though I was running on a treadmill, it was nice to be doing it. I could definitely feel the time off, though - my right knee felt pretty stiff compared to the left one.
I did 1.2miles (which is close to 2km) at a slow pace, and didn't really need to stop once. It wasn't until I finished the run that I realized I hadn't changed the incline at all, so my work out was a lot easier than outdoor running.
Even so, I'm feeling pretty tired.
Sadly, that's all the update for today.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Breaking Back into the Game
In a conversation with my cousin tonight, I called myself fat.
I looked at my statement, the bold black-on-white comment in the chat window, and I felt like I'd slapped myself.
I'm not 'fat'. Sure, I may carry 10 pounds more than I want to, the Body Mass Index may say I'm unhealthily overweight, and I may not fit into my jeans as well, but I'm not fat.
And here, I'm going to contradict myself, even as I try to clarify. I think that 'fat', as I used it, is an unfortunate, insulting term that hurts feelings and should be spurned. And I know this and embrace it, so I wondered why I would say something like that.
So I thought about that, even as my cousin said, "Uh, what the hell are you talking about?" and I decided that how I'm really feeling is angry with myself.
I'm angry with myself because I have been lazy and gluttonous the past six months. I have done nothing that I wanted to do, six months ago: to keep running, to keep eating healthy, to join a gym and work on my cardio and musculature. I'm not living up to the promises I made myself. And that makes me angry with me.
Six months later, I am at the end of my tether. I woke up depressed, and thought this is not the way to keep going.
So, as Paolo Nutini sang, I got a pair of new shoes. And tomorrow, I'm going to run 2km. Baby steps, but more than none. I'm going to go back to six months ago, and keep that promise, and get working on it again.
I'm tired of being angry with myself. I want to love myself again.
I looked at my statement, the bold black-on-white comment in the chat window, and I felt like I'd slapped myself.
I'm not 'fat'. Sure, I may carry 10 pounds more than I want to, the Body Mass Index may say I'm unhealthily overweight, and I may not fit into my jeans as well, but I'm not fat.
And here, I'm going to contradict myself, even as I try to clarify. I think that 'fat', as I used it, is an unfortunate, insulting term that hurts feelings and should be spurned. And I know this and embrace it, so I wondered why I would say something like that.
So I thought about that, even as my cousin said, "Uh, what the hell are you talking about?" and I decided that how I'm really feeling is angry with myself.
I'm angry with myself because I have been lazy and gluttonous the past six months. I have done nothing that I wanted to do, six months ago: to keep running, to keep eating healthy, to join a gym and work on my cardio and musculature. I'm not living up to the promises I made myself. And that makes me angry with me.
Six months later, I am at the end of my tether. I woke up depressed, and thought this is not the way to keep going.
So, as Paolo Nutini sang, I got a pair of new shoes. And tomorrow, I'm going to run 2km. Baby steps, but more than none. I'm going to go back to six months ago, and keep that promise, and get working on it again.
I'm tired of being angry with myself. I want to love myself again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)